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Now tell me how you feel about your last romance? You knew in the very beginning that it was fake but you continued on. You knew there was no respect and you accepted it. You saw the betrayal and let it go on. It was no more real at any point than this money is. The biggest betrayal came from you and your desperate desire for a sailing partner.
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She feels so sterile when she is cold and heeled 5 degrees on her trailer. Still though, a little warmth and soft light brings her alive. I made space in my quarter berth and had the best sleep of my life. I remembered back to that first winter with Chloe, alone, often lonely and no heat.
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All of it if nothing else has taught me that my needs are very different from most of the worlds. A warm dry bunk, reasonable food and a little excitement fill the void. My dreams are attainable by all…. What gets complex is evading the truth. One day Nan-in had a visit from a foreign scholar who was himself a specialist in Eastern religions. The scholar came to Nan-in to learn more about Zen Buddhism. Instead of listening to the master, however, the visiting scholar pontificated on and on about his own ideas and everything that he knew.
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A nice ride introduced me to Joon. I prepared my world famous man Tacos and my best bottle of red wine for dinner. The spoken language barrier was awkward but communications were easier when we removed the masks and could understand a little better. She speaks English but her voice is so soft like a mouse and the accent made it hard to communicate. Once we shared smiles all barriers we gone. I have to say any girl who rides a Brompton has me at hello. I finally got to ride an S bar and am smitten but keeping my M bar unless I buy a second bike.
Ok bike parts I started taking apart, adding, weighing and cleaning. That custom bike was going to be called Mai ti but Nara has gone through so many transitions she has been reborn. In the meantime life goes on one minute, hour, one day at a time.
Warm, dry, cozy and centrally located exactly one mile from the village. I think about life and this lockdown. Before all this happened most people would wake up, get in their car and drive to work. After work they would drive home and lock themself in the house in front of the TV.
Has life really changed at all? Perspective wields a sharp knife. We live in a world where we are drowning in information and free knowledge but starving for the wisdom of what to do with it. You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land.
There is no other land; there is no other life but this. You reap what you sow… When I was decommissioning Sookie a friend asked me why I was doing it. Boats have been selling like hot cakes, there are literally no good ones for sale.
I thought everyone was supposed to be running out of money. Yesterday I finally gained the nerve to look. This is the challenge, Ooku was my one shot at owning a BCC. These boats come with 3 price tags. The purchase price is high and well worth it. Then you have the refit price and they all need it. Any boat with that much wood will always be in a state of refit. Even the newest boats are now old boats, I wont be getting a BCC.
The Tradewinds Atoll 25 ticks most boxes but they are very scarce. In the meantime I have the perfect boat. What I do know is that Sookie will being going all electric as will the new boat. I still dream of building an electric Port Hudson 27 Vertue from a bare hull and if I could locate the last hull out there I would buy it today. I still do and always have preferred small boats. Even the BCC is larger than I prefer. Sitting here surrounded by boxes of stores I still regret pulling Sookie this year but I keep searching for that magical boatyard.
A big part of me wants to put her back together and postpone the work till the world gets back to normal if that is even possible. This is where my only form of stress lives. When I built I made a promise to myself that it was for my Baja divide trip and that I would sell it after they trip and buy another Brompton.
I ride it every day, I maintain it every day. Still though, its time to move on. He might learn how his ancestors lived and that he himself is no different—in the crunch his life depends on his agility, alertness, and personal resourcefulness. Kanken , Lt wright patriot , minimalism , minimalist , moleskine , travel journal. I can think again, and focus on things and mostly just relax without the nervous twitch of needing to check my IG feed. Ok I can actually hobble, another few days and I might try and ride my bike.
I do miss my friends posts like turtle desert and chatting in messages with my tribe but that only made up about one percent of my time online. Hurting my knee was just another test from the universe. In my first attempt at hobbling out into the real world I noticed my friends Cape George 31 blew over in the boat yard, such a tragedy. I also found a stick to whittle into an albino snake.
I located an empty journal I started a decade ago. It was nice sitting in silence in the afternoon sun stringing words together that have nothing to do with anything. I just wrote down everything that popped into my head. I really need to learn to be less productive and spend more time doing nothing. It was just over 5 years ago when on the run from the sergeant, sheriff and rangers that I stumbled upon an oasis hidden deep in the jungle.
On the other side of the waterfall was a very naked Nina, not even remotely perturbed by my presence. Even before our meeting I had been dreaming about living out of a small day pack but a few days with her and I was hooked. She had nothing but was completely content, she slept in a hammock, lived off of dried fruit and nuts and spent most of her time zening out. I played my ukulele and she sang.
I taught her a few simple chords and our lives were complete. My Brompton bag holds everything I need in this world. I think about minimalism, having almost nothing and how simple it makes living. Today started off so cold and then turned into one of those amazing spring days.
Short shorts and a long sleeve tee kind of day. Joshua Becker. My phone died so I sit in silence, in the dark. My ukulele is tucked under three blankets and my down bag. Before the sun went down I pulled out a very old book White sands to coral reefs. My left knee is done. It all started at midnight, a mini rager came through bringing gusts of up to 40— I was running around in the storm, working on Sookies tarps and trying to film. I came back soaked into a dark house, ffs I said to myself.
I stripped off layers of soaking clothes and went to bed, it was cold as hell when I woke up, still no power. While we worked the mast went. It was like slow motion, the mast coming right at me, that huge sausage of the sail rolled around the forestry. I could hear people scrambling as I watched it coming right at me. My double vision was overloaded and as usual it make me fall down when this happens. I fell into the water but landed on a dock line.
Half way in and out of the water I just sat there assessing and making sure nobody was hurt. I was yanked back on the dock soaked and shivering. Happy there was no damage I limped home, now all my warm clothes are wet and still no power. I stripped naked on my deck, my right knee bleeding but it was my left that was damaged.
Trying to bend it or straighten it is virtually impossible. Tucked into my little cocoon still freezing dark came and I just laid there thinking about my next project hoping the lights and heat would come soon. Eventually the lights came on and I started to warm. I had plans to ride around San Juan today but a day off is a good thing. I can feel my muscles settling and relaxing from too much exercise this last week. Everything happens for a reason, another lesson learned and we all walked away, well I hobbled.
Maybe later I will be able to pedal with one leg and make my way to the village. Strong men believe in cause and effect. Ralph Waldo Emerson. The revolution will not be televised. As is often the case, the day came when I was reminded to focus by seeking all that is good in my life. All of the sudden I was overwhelmed with sight, sound, smell, feel and touch.
My finger tips pulling a wooden match across a rusty fire ring. The snap of life, a quick whiff of sulfur as lazy rain drops spatter and roll down my jacket. The crackle of fire, light and warmth. Surely this must be the best cup of coffee I have ever had.
No camera, no phone, nothing but the silence and serenade of nature. I have enough of everything, not too much, just enough. Years ago it was one 10 minute phone call that changed my life forever. So began one of the most fun and prosperous times of my life.
Today I deleted all my social except this blog and my YouTube channel, the exudes has begun. My cell service is next, part of being free and having freedom is being unencumbered enough to take those freedoms. To up and disappear for a while is a good thing. I have my next and last dentist appointment for now. The preface has been slipped into the last days of blog posts if you have been paying attention or even care. The last piece of the puzzle is my new passport, It should be here any day.
Every time the post mastress stops by I get a rush of excitement, it will come and was worth paying the expatiated fee. Feeling lost, crazy and desperate belongs to a good life as much as optimism, certainty and reason. Cheers friends…. Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty. The obedient must be slaves. Bluewater sailboat , Crealock 31 , finding the right sailboat , pacific seacraft , sailing partnerships.
Not just from you. I had been abandoned yet again, this time for the 4th and my B -day, well I met a sailor girl on independents day and we straight up hit it off. I shared my private reserve Caribbean rum with her, we sipped on red wine and laid in the V-berth all night long talking about boats and sailing and dreams.
Turn the clock forward a few months, the straw that broke the camels back had just occurred. So began 4 of the most influential months of my life…. I decided to clear my mind to all of the possibilities. We dove into The Who am I and who are you to speed up the process. She turned out to be amazing, with high character and morals, she is honest and caring and loving.
We both have about the same amount of assets giving us a total of close to k to buy and outfit and cover the first year of cruising. There is only one little hiccup, she smokes pot often and I hate being around stoned people. Still though we got along from the first second like we had known each other our whole lives and what an amazing life she has led.
Knowing full well that I was broken I tried to keep our in person contact to a minimum. She works nights as a nurse so we would talk every single morning and meet every other week. This left us 50k to outfit and a one year cruising kitty. The whole strictly plutonic thing was a challenge but we did our best to keep it to boats, at this point she had her life and I had mine.
It was a compromise for both of us and finding one with a tiller would be a challenge but it ticked most of the boxes. It was reasonably new with a great cockpit. I liked the open interior, she liked the very safe layout of the deck. Once we came to the agreement that there could possibly be an agreement I brought of the issue of not liking to be around stoned people. This is where it all came to a halt. She refused to give it up so I let go.
We talked about this a lot and agreed to stay in close contact and continue the friendship. Having gone down the bigger boat and partnership rabbit hole, this is what I have learned. Yes, I am now very open to a partnership and also very open to the idea of a larger more modern boat. We would laugh, tease, argue about designs and compromise back and forth. It opened my eyes to learning new ways to access dreams and also to letting my wall down for the right person.
The world is a beautiful place if you let it be. The constant pitter patter of rain on my roof helps me to keep time like a metronome. At first it sounds chaotic, like the drums of a thousand Indians beating on my roof. Once I settle in through the noise I can hear its tic toc in clean precise movements as I learn my ukuleles fret board.
I have to relearn everything I know, or maybe what I thought I knew. As I grow into this little hunk of wood it becomes part of me. I force myself to let go and in those small moments music is born. Oh yeah, there is a new video here. Its going to be a long painful road but I am so into this process that Its consuming me.
Baby steps every day and things start to make sense. Now that I am looking I can see clearly. I close my eyes and feel my way through it. I wake up usually to some random thought or part of a dream. I roll around in my bed like Chloe used to, stretching and wiggling and ready to go. There is no bathroom or kitchen where I live so I walk through the muddy grass to make my coffee, brush my teeth and pee.
I mix this up a lot depending on what time I wake up. It could also be a fire on the beach or a long predawn run but today was the bike. What a brilliant book and a brilliant life. I had to take a run afterwords to contemplate my life. Actually in my mind my life has been better with far more and greater personal experiences.
Back from my run and feeling both my runners high and content I make breakfast. I only give myself one hour on the uke, then its off to Sookie to do what ever needs being done. By the time I un-tarp her and set and climb the ladder she is warm inside and I work for as long as I feel the need. Back to the tiny house, about 30 paces I take a hot shower, this is my one extravagance and I appreciate every piping hot droplet that warms my naked body.
I get one more hour on the uke and then depending on the day its off to work having made some form of dinner in-between. My evenings are a little jamming on the uke, straighten up the house and a little free time for half a documentary. I only allow myself one hour of free range screen time per day. One glass of wine and I tuck myself in pulling all my blankets up, I curl into a ball.
It usually takes me about 15 seconds to fall asleep. My but how this little world has changed but its not changing me, just how I live. I spend each day as deliberately as I can. I think I have finally found nirvana and its a beautiful way of life. The wind tries to throw me off the road but I lean into it digging my shoulder into an invisible opponent.
I feel alive, happy and tired, my muscles rebel as I push them hard on their second ride of the day. I woke up at the crack of dawn, put on my running clothes and then promptly went back to sleep. A wild morning dream has me up and deep in my head. What an amazing year this has been. So many experiences, so many opportunities, so much good in this world. I think about it all and how blessed I am in this world.
On a daily basis my dreams are manifesting before my eyes. Where ever you are remember this, fulfillment comes from within. Appreciate all the small things, make every day count and find the good in everything. Our one millisecond snapshot of time on this earth can be beautiful if we chose to live. Happy New Years to all my friends and lovers.
Bluewater sailboat , Brompton , falmouth cutter , Pandemic survival , sailboat refit. Its turning out that I need my own photographer so I can stop posting stupid pictures of my bikes. Saved by the bell. Yay me for thinking ahead. I cant write anymore, my life just changed again in a good way. Ill get back later. Always believe. Or talk about their feelings? Or manage their feelings in constructive ways? And people who cannot find fulfillment in their lives, or those who have lost hope, who live in disappointment and bitterness and find in life no joy, no love?
These, it seems to me, are the real disabilities. I know I need to move on, to let go of my tiny house. Btw here is a new video. My tiny house is filled with boat stores and emergency supplies. My diet is rapidly changing and all of the sudden I have all this food that I wonder if I will ever eat.
The end of will bring massive changes in my life so one way or another all of it will be gone, all of it. I go into a multiple meditation. One is visual, I love watching the world pass by from the saddle of my bike. The other is physical, pushing the miles day after day is one of my greatest joys.
Then there is the internal where I have 8 hours per day of uninterrupted thought. No people, no internet, nothing but internal peace where I can talk to myself about everything under the sun. On the boat front and yes there still is a boat front. Whew, sorry about that I needed to take a cold shower. And by waiting, they miss out. Like a little child I was up before the crack of dawn.
I had the most amazing Christmas Eve, actually this has been the best week of my life bar none. I was like a little kid opening my gifts. I may be alone today but I am loved by many. Most importantly…. I love myself again.
I suffered through 14 straight months of betrayal every single day. I was on the verge of a mental disorder when the final straw was pulled. That was a little over days ago. I blocked all contact and turned inward to try and understand why I would put myself though so much. Reading back over my words I want to scream out loud at them. Run you fool, why would anyone tolerate this. I guess love does that to us and I was head over heels in love despite the horrible life I was leading.
It ended up in me deleting my YouTube channel as i discovered the whole story was a lie. This is where and why I am so grateful and happy today. It still sucks that it happened but on some level I attracted it into my life. Those are the most important words. They had nothing to do with me. She is an adult and her actions have hurt her far worse than me or anyone else.
No matter how much your life might suck right now, understand that it is the life you have chosen by your actions. Find a way to resolve your pain, lack or loss and follow your dreams. We all fall down, the hero in us can pick ourself back up lick our wounds and find our own internal light. The opposite is a slow painful death of our soul. Covid , free bird , laid off , Peter Pan Syndrome , the good life.
The only certainty these days is that there is no certainty. I was assured in no uncertain terms that while I would have extremely limited hours my job was safe. Dear Coivid, thank you for yet another kick in the pussy. I could probably sell all my toys in two weeks and have a K and a half packed day pack. I think this would freak most people out but to me it just spells more free time to play.
Every day I feel a little freer and a little lighter, and a lot happier. All of my friends are commenting that its nice to see me so happy again. If you want to know where my head is, I just ordered a giant snugly bathrobe for my walk to the community bath house. What would you do if you had zero debt, unlimited free time, no anchors and enough food to last you for 6 months?
Brompton , freedom , iPhone 12 mini , living in poverty , retire young. If I had a penchant for cocaine, hookers and fire engines I dare say this bike would be out of my league. Part of my minimal existence is to have only a few quality items, things that add value to my life and truly make me smile. My new iPhone 12 pro was a masterpiece, it could actually process my videos faster than my top of the line Mac Book pro from Technologies are changing at such a rapid pace its hard to keep up.
The 12 mini I did keep and its brilliant, It also comes at a huge cost. I always thought the concept of the apple watch was just plain stupid but boy was I wrong, that went back as well but it hurt to let it go. This whole thing was a pain and a long prepossess but now I know.
Small, simple, light and super reliable. At this point my professional camera is all but useless. The phone works for everything but portraits which I still do and which are currently paying my bills and keeping me much entertained. Having said that Its not something I plan on doing forever. Add up a year of phone payments plus the 1k price tag, cars, gas, insurance, maintenance and the time you have to work to pay for all of it and all of the sudden my 4K Brompton seems like a really good deal.
The resale on these things is also amazing. When done right all of my most useful possessions will fit in a 20 lb bag on the front of my bike including my kitchen and house. Let me be the first to tell you that nobody can take a way your freedom if you are a good and honest person. What they should be crying about is how many of us have willfully given away our freedoms so we can live in excess.
Not having a phone or car is not living in poverty. Not having a flat screen, cable or internet is not living in poverty. Its never to late to stop, shift and start making your life matter. If you could do one thing over what would it be? In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. Powered by WooCommerce Help.
God Bless America I love this Island. Tucked into my secret spot I cracked a beer. The sounds of water rolling along the shore soothed me. Looking up I saw the brightest shooting star I have ever seen and made a wish. I always keep a half bottle of wine in my frame bag just in case of emergency. I had been riding home when I saw a bike light zigging and zagging around the point.
I decided to investigate but by the time I had made my way out there all was silent. Once I was settled in again I saw it all the way at the end of the spit, I decided to ignore it. What is meant o be is meant to be. I enjoyed my beer in silence, smoked a quarter of a hand rolled ciggi and contemplated the magnitude of my good fortune finding this little island from the other side of the country.
I pondered how many other hidden gems there are around the globe and wondered how many solo cyclists were sitting on the beach having the same thoughts. Some might call what happened next serendipity and others might call it synchronicity. I just laughed and thought about my shooting star. As the headlight slowly made its way towards me I thought about Dani who I lost over three decades ago.
She touched my soul long before she touched my body. Her eyes were as honest as her heart. With a soul pure as the driven snow she was one in a billion. Sweet as honey and silly to a fault, she carried this quiet dignity about her. She had a backbone made of pure steel and in her fiery Italian way would stand up for others, she was a protector, she was my protector.
She was better than others because she chose to be, her word meant something to her and was trusted and loved by all. Ill never know what it was that she saw in me but she would always swear to me that she would stay by my side till the day she died. The light got close enough that I could hear the crackle of tires rolling towards me…. Seek the lesson, and you will find yourself. Bluewater sailboat , falmouth cutter , retire young , strictly platonic , The sailing life.
What an amazing week. The boat is all packed up and ready for the shipper. There were many hurdles to jump through and a few bribes but all my ducks are in a row. I had a amazing date that lasted into the early morning and oh, I can see again. Sort of… Dammit I wrote that last night, now everything has changed. I cancelled everything, back to the drawing board. My ex, ex, ex girlfriend keeps trying to buy her.
She has no job, enough money and we have sailed together allot and I trust her with the boat. The hypothetical strictly platonic was on the table but we already fucked than one up. Anyways, the real issue is time. I can put the boat back together, work on her where she sits till spring and sail north. She could go anywhere in her current condition but a full refit has always been the dream since day one. One thing for sure, with my 18 hour work week I have time for everything.
No matter what the future holds life is good and really fun. I guess the secret is you just have to do it. The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking. Powered by WordPress Error Fix. That may explain the charmed life I lead. I met a debutante, she has me in her sights and she is locked and loaded. We met over her perving on my bike build. When I showed no interest she rolled her eyes at me.
It took her less than 24 hours to track me down but my life is complication free now. So I did it. I lost my fear and gained my whole life. Back to the idiotic adventures in stupidity I live. I had just finished reading 7 years in Tibet and decided to walk away from the company I had built, I would work my way through the South Pacific to China and buy a ticket on the Trans Siberian railway. Once in Mongolia I would jump off the train and make a pilgrimage to Tibet to find myself.
She was smitten with my mind but my type of freedom comes at the expense of doing, not dreaming, one of the least common attributes found in humans today, so I continue my solo journey. Through self created resistance I am reprogramming my brain. I am surrounded by temptation.
I have a half gallon of top shelf whiskey on the counter still unopened. My solo life is by choice and necessity. The resistance makes me strong. I fast regularly but still consume a very healthy diet. Still though, I miss the warmth of a body in my bed but not at the expense… I find that I love my life exactly how it is. Spend all of June bikepacking and then have a nice leisurely downwind sail home. The cream of the crop is Desolation Sound in July. This brings me full circle, you cant find yourself unless you are ready to lose yourself….
What a Ride! This was probably the single most important day of my life. My little un-named cutter arrived and a new dream began. The very next day the power cord shorted out, it started to snow and my dog threw up in my mouth but still, a dream worth living is a dream worth working towards. For now lets just say all is well and moving forward in a slow but steady pace. I hate seeing her on a trailer, its just so un-natural but its a necessary evil.
I hope to level her tomorrow so I can start pulling ceiling boards, I really wish I would have saved the clear mango I bought for the No more waiting around for someone to help me. No more dead ends and no need for a crew member. OK, back to Alaska. I know what I want and how to get it. I wrote a check for Sookie and have paid cash for all of her upgrades. She is a brick and with the next round of upgrades will be unstoppable. I hate having the gas on the boat and I love the satisfaction of arriving under all natural power, it is a sailboat after all.
What can we gain by sailing to the moon if we are not able to cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves? This is the most important of all voyages of discovery, and without it, all the rest are not only useless, but disastrous. Powered by wordpress critical error. I scratch and swirl, pushing blankets around like Chloe used to do when she was nesting.
I have 48 hours straight to play my uke with no interruptions. If you have to do it alone, do it in style. This time 5 years ago, I was running naked up and down a private spot of beach I had accosted in Hawaii.
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